"Home" Review
By Autumn Tysko

"I can tell you don't have no children. Maybe one day you'll 
learn - the pride - the love - when you know your boy will do 
anything for his mother."

This one is going to be controversial. "There's something rotten 
in Mayberry" - indeed. I suspect that this X-Files episode may 
divide folks like no other since "Syzygy". I know there will be 
strong opinions both ways as I am fighting these within myself. 
When the credits rolled around after "Home" my roommate let out 
a cruel laugh and informed me that she was glad she didn't have 
to watch the episode again and write a review. I have never been 
less thrilled to rewatch an episode. Not because I found it boring 
like "The List" or laughably bad like "Teso dos Bichos", but because 
it was down right revolting. Actually, amazingly enough, the second 
time wasn't as bad as I suspected it might be.

Morgan & Wong have given us, without question, the creepiest, 
grossest X-Files ever. When I saw the "parental guidance" warning 
I was surprised - after all it was an X-Files first. Unfortunately, 
I didn't have my mother here to warn me. Though I know the X-Files 
is supposed to be scary, it isn't often that I am really frightened 
by it. This one scared me. However, it scared me in a way that I 
don't like to be scared. It scared me in a cheap way - a "Jason and 
his brothers meet the FBI" way - which is why during the subsequent 
viewing I lost that fear quickly. I've never been a fan of the 
"Halloween", "Friday the 13th", or "Nightmare on Elm Street" type 
of entertainment. On the occasions that I have been drug to one of 
those movies they did frighten me, but I didn't think them quality 
entertainment and I certainly didn't ever want to watch them again.

"Home", at times, reminded me of that genre of horror film. The 
scares were obvious a mile away: the baseball game discovery by 
the big spooky house, the death of the "folks know I never lock 
the door" sheriff, and the even more ridiculous death of deputy 
Barney who should have just worn a red kevlar vest he was such 
an obvious target once he separated from Mulder and Scully. It 
was even rife with obvious forced tension - Mulder's door won't 
lock, a shot of a sleeping Scully (for no reason but to make us 
think they may be a victims).

I have always had a special fondness for the character interaction 
on the X-Files, and that part of me loved the interesting moments 
and dialogue between our heroes. Unfortunately, these moments were 
surrounded by deformed inbred brothers who deliver babies with a 
fork that they then bury alive and spend their time sniffing and 
regurgitating meals for their mother - that is, when they aren't 
packing their sticks in the trunk in order to do some twisted remake 
of "Clockwork Orange" by committing their gratuitous ultra-violence 
to a "Wondeful" Johnny Mathis tune.

When taken on their own, the character moments were quirky - 
Scully even had the best lines. However, in context to the 
episode they seemed oddly out of place (such as Mulder's mugging 
pout during a dangerous moment about the Elvis headline). The 
Mulder/Scully opener was fun. Scully does all the work while 
Mulder goofs off sniffing (do I sense a theme?) baseballs and 
practicing pitches. His bounce off the bicep even temporarily 
stops Scully's train of thought. Her realization that Mulder is 
in another world with the "meanwhile I've quit the FBI and become 
a spokesperson for the ab roller" was a hoot. Mulder claims he 
could live in a town like Home, but Scully doubts his umbilical 
cord to his cell phone could be cut.

The much heralded "words" between the agents had to be their 
friendly talk about children. While Mulder rubs her back and 
tells her  "just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic 
makeup and a real high tolerance for being second guessed and 
start pumping out the little Uber-Scullys" she finds out that 
despite his family's bad luck they pass "genetic muster". Mulder 
seems tickled by this conversation, having never seen Scully in 
this light and even refers to her as "Mom" later. However, the 
Scully/biological clock theme was a bit much for me - especially 
with the Peacock Mother's accusations in the end. If they are 
going to talk about this I think they should address what should 
be Dana's biggest fear - her own possible genetic problems having 
children post-abduction.

Given all this, "Home" is destined to be an X-Files episode that 
when I watch it again I'll do so with more than a generous amount 
of fast forwarding. 

Random Musings
------------------------

-Retread alert: Not that *anyone* would ever recognize her, 
but the Peacock Mother was played by Karin Konoval who we last 
saw as Madame Zelma in "Clyde Bruckman".

-Not gross enough? Hey, let's have the sheriff store the dead 
baby body in the office fridge next to the sack lunches... Hey, 
then let's do the autopsy in the smallest bathroom we can find - 
Scully can use the toilet paper holder to rest her doctor's 
bag ...

-Never, ever in my mind, have I ever imagined a time when I 
would see our dear Dr. Dana Scully shoving a pig and chanting 
"Baa Ram Ewe" (Mulder: "Yeah, that'll work."). At least we have 
a glimpse of Scully brother proof in her tale of watching her 
"Babe" fixated nephew. Too bad she didn't watch more carefully - 
that chant works on sheep - not pigs. After all, I have a nephew 
too - I know these things.

-I'm still trying to figure out what Scully was doing grabbing 
around the inside of her jacket when they first approached the 
Peacock home. Looking for a notebook she didn't need or some 
other crisis?

-Mulder's little TV antenna bit was a crack up. Thank God he 
finally got it working so that Mutual of Omaha's "Wild Kingdom" 
could give him the animal pack insight he tells Scully about 
later.

-For those who care, her little feet did reach the pedals - she 
was driving.

-Was anyone else surprised at the swat team action headsets that 
were available in a town where the sheriff doesn't even carry a 
gun?

-Scully does save Mulder here - after pumping 9 shots into the 
boys who feel no pain (and in one of the creepiest moments they 
are checked for wounds by their mother because of this) - she 
finally saves Mulder from an axe by yelling about their mother.

Autumn
"Scully, would you think any less of me as a man if I told you 
I was kind of excited right now?"