Surekill

"You've been ripping me off for months."

My "Frank's Fashion Spot" started a number of years ago as a joke on Frank 
Spotnitz. Frank was whining to the press one day about the Internet fans. 
Basically he said all they cared about was what Scully was wearing and if 
Mulder and Scully touched. I found his statement offensive and absurd. So, I 
thought it would be funny to mock him every week by going on about Scully's 
clothes in his name. Thus, "Frank's Fashion Spot" was born.

Well, I am now here to tell Frank that he was right. And you know what pal? 
As the man in charge of the writing staff, it's your own damn fault. The 
X-Files sure has "reinvented itself." It's reinvented itself right into a 
dull anthology series with a quasi-paranormal slant. Carter and Spotnitz have 
been telling us for years that they believe the show is plot driven rather 
than character driven, and in the last two months they've proven it to us. 
Guess what guys? Your plots are dull. Dull, dull, dull. You used to be able 
to at least write some entertaining character stuff that Anderson and 
Duchovny dutifully played and added an edge to, much to the audience's 
amusement. Why do you think people love "Detour" Frank? Think it was because 
of your exciting tale of mothmen? Think again. Now all that passes for 
character insight is Doggett telling us he hates twins. Wow. That's riveting 
stuff. Thankfully it did not distract us from the latest snoozer of a plot. 
Can't have that.

Instead of giving the audience what they want, the 1013 writing staff 
continues to think people are interested in the likes of Squinty and Stupid 
the Wonder Twins and their mousy assistant Tammi. Gee, how is Scully's 
pregnancy going? How bad were things that she was recently in the hospital? 
Did she ever tell her family she's pregnant? Has her mother EVER called her 
back? Does it wear on her to be investigating these stupid cases without 
Mulder? Is she as annoyed with Doggett just barking out "Agent" whenever he 
wants her to come as the rest of us are? Is she still having nightmares about 
Mulder? Does she still go over to Mulder's apartment every few days and feed 
his fish? No, we can't answer any INTERESTING questions that might lend to 
character growth for the series LEADS when we can instead find out that three 
loser men are all in love with the same loser girl for no apparent reason. 
Because that's the plot. Congratulations Greg Walker, you too are a plot 
driven writer. You've learned to fill your script with the sort of tension 
that Spotnitz and Carter, rather than the audience, crave. Thrilling stuff 
like the unbearable tension of Tammi and the answering machine message and 
the chilling "let me use this lighter to see your face because this office is 
lit too dark to make it seem spookier" scene. Pardon me while I yawn. 

So I have a few questions. Why are the Worcester cops so incompetent that 
they need to call in the FBI immediately when they figure someone was in the 
ductwork? Oh, that's right. It was needed for the plot to get Scully and 
Doggett there. Because this is the X-Files so we need them, right? Even 
though pretty much any old cop would do in this story. What did Dwight and 
Randall do with all their money? They sure weren't spending it on clothes or 
personal hygiene items. Or lunch since they were eating meatloaf sandwiches. 
Or cars since they were seen fixing up an old one. Or the office since it was 
a pit. I guess they just really loved killing rats. Because that's the subtle 
nature of this writing. They were exterminating vermin. Get it? Oooo the 
layers! You know if that Tammi had even half a brain she would have gone to 
the office for the book earlier than 7:44AM to make her getaway. But then 
they would not have caught her and the plot would be ruined. So instead the 
character gets to be stupid. Stupid enough to leave her car unlocked so a 
legally blind man can mysteriously find her. Maybe he's got special powers we 
never found out about. And to top it off, the X-File is that one brother 
somehow sucked all the eyesight out of his twin before they were born so now 
he can see through walls to spy on girls and kill people? Isn't that special.

At least Scully attempted some sort of scientific explanation. Remember when 
"Wait, you're not saying this guy has X-ray vision" used to be Scully's line? 
Think about it and I bet you can even hear her say it with a shake of the 
head. No more because she's the reluctant believer now. You can tell she's 
reluctant because the writers have her use words like "remarking" and 
"conjecturing." That's our clue. She still gets to make the leaps now that 
Mulder is gone. Her psychic abilities told her that Randall was looking 
through a wall to read Dwight's lips. They also told her that Randall was the 
jealous one even though she'd seen nothing to indicate that.

Things weren't helped by the rather one note performances from the supporting 
cast. Michael Bowen as Dwight Cooper spent all his time squinting - even in 
his mug shots. Patrick Kilpatrick's performance as Randall was pretty much 
based on bland looks and contact lenses to make his eyes a little spooky. And 
Kellie Waymire as Tammi Peyton just played a real annoying dimwit of a 
character.

If this has to be a plot driven anthology series that just happens to have a 
mystery investigated by Scully and whoever her partner is this week, the 
least they could do is try to make the story a little interesting because 
"stupid ain't cute" it's boring.

Random Musings
-----------------------

-As the episode opens the shop across the street is called "X-treme" and it 
uses a red version of the familiar X logo.

-Best thing about the teaser: Mark Snow's score. It had more tension in it 
that any of the performances.

-So Squinty is legally blind but he still manages to be able to tell there 
are messages from across the room on a little blinking light? I can barely 
see my own phone light from a few feet away without my glasses.

-What is the deal with Doggett just calling Scully "Agent"? Is he too lazy to 
add a Scully on the end of that to personalize it just a little? Is 1013 
terrified of letting them call each other by their last names because that's 
what Mulder and Scully did?

-Frank's Fashion Spot: Pay attention. This is going to be the only nice thing 
I say in this review. In a stunning and shocking turnaround this week the 
best thing about the entire episode was Scully's clothes. Scully looked 
fabulous. Fabulous I tell you. She wore actual colors. And turtlenecks. She 
looked great the whole damn episode. The green turtleneck combo was yummy 
especially up on the roof where it was well lit. The dark red shirt was so 
nice looking that I even forgave it being untucked. But that last outfit. 
Heavenly. If there is a God, Scully will get to wear that black turtleneck 
with the long grey coat again. And soon. Even the floof was back in her hair. 

-Our Little Sailor: Sorry, I was the one that did all the swearing this 
episode. Scully just stood around and looked nice.

-1013's latest attempt to show us what a great cop Doggett is has him being 
able to look at a man and tell whether he's done time or not. That Doggett is 
a great cop, ain't he? Plus he found that little swatch of material and this 
week he even got to say a big word.

-Maybe Scully wasn't pregnant this week since they had her drinking coffee at 
the cop station. Perhaps it was just that famous police station decaf.

-Manly Man Meter: This week Doggett reminds us that he was a marine and uses 
the word "ballsy" in a sentence. Not bad. Except for the fact that he 
mentioned Elvis which reminds us of you know who, that girly man we all miss. 
Plus a real man would love twins. This episode does not deserve a clever name 
for the manly man meter this week. I refuse to think harder than the writers 
did. So I just give you a score: 5.

-In "Monday" and "The Amazing Maleeni" it was the Craddock Marine Bank. Here 
it is spelled Cradock. Wonder if this branch is where Tena/Teena/Tina Mulder 
banked. Next they'll be spelling it Larriot Rent Car...

-The Gregory Nathan Boniface listed in the final credits played one of the 
gangbangers in the episode. He died late last year.

Autumn 
"Seven hundred thousand. That's a lot of dead rats."