"It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people"
"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you 
just said because I know it is what you just said."

Darin Morgan is my new patron saint of the X-Files. He writes 
episodes that begin with "Behold the mighty cockroach", reference 
"Planet of the Apes" not once, but twice, and end with an explosion 
of feces. No relatives of Mulder or Scully die, no one has an 
earthshattering crisis of faith, no cigarettes are smoked, Mulder 
and Scully act like partners who like each other, and no one cries 
(except me from laughing so hard). No, I don't want every X-Files 
episode to be like this, but yes I really enjoy the variety he 
brings to the show. I'm glad that Chris Carter has decided that 
it is OK to lighten up the show every so often and show us that 
both Mulder and Scully are, well, funny. 

Ever wonder how Mulder & Scully spend their weekends when they 
aren't working on a case? It isn't pretty. Mulder, away while 
his apartment is fumigated (and they didn't do a real good job 
at that we see at the end), is either waxing poetic about the 
lights in the sky or "just sittin', thinkin'". Meanwhile, it is 
a big time Saturday night for our professional single gal Dana 
Scully. Let's see - she's spent all day trying to get a hold of 
Mulder (no doubt out of sheer boredom), she cleans her gun, eats 
a healthy salad on her coffee table sitting on the floor while 
watching business news on TV, washes her dog (who apparently 
only exists in Darin Morgan episodes), reads "Breakfast at 
Tiffany's" by the fire (in a clever jab at David Duchovny's 
Jeopardy loss), and makes up for the healthy salad by eating 
ice cream right out of the tub while researching cockroaches. 
This woman NEEDS a date.

I have to admit I found the evening of phone conversations in 
the first half of this episode the best part. Their teasing was 
priceless and then there were those famous Scully Rational 
Explanations (SREs). It was like watching a big inside joke. 
Mulder wants her to come there, but she keeps finding logical 
explanations. How she can come up with this stuff off the top 
of her head and be right each time is an X-File in and of 
itself - either that or she's psychic. The conversations became 
a parody of their more serious cases with Scully worried about 
Mulder and being cut off every time. 

SRE1: Anaphylactic shock - allergy to cockroaches. "Still want 
me to come up?"
SRE2: Syndrome caused by drug use that makes people believe 
insects are burrowing into their skin. "Still want me to come 
up?" Mulder is sorry for bothering her. "It's no bother." 
Don't we know it. 
SRE3: Brain aneurysm from straining. "Who died now?" 

Now it gets real fun. I'm always amazed that there are actually 
some folks who can watch the X-Files and say there is no sexual 
tension between the characters. This episode we got that and 
more - a jealous Scully -- how dare Mulder two time on her with 
another scientist - especially one named "Bambi". I find it 
infinitely amusing that Scully can spend a whole episode telling 
Mulder that cockroaches can't be attacking people, but as soon 
as he tells her HE is surrounded by them she gets in a tizzy and 
tells him to get out of there. Mulder, meanwhile spots the 
scientist-babe, blows off Scully with "gotta go" and the hilarious 
"not now", and goes into ultra-flirty mode listening oh so intently 
to Bambi's "UFOs are insect swarms" theory while Scully stare 
plaintively at her phone eventually sleeping with it out of worry. 

This of course leads to what I consider a new classic X-Files 
phone scene beginning with Scully answering sleepily "Mulder are 
you OK?" and only focusing on the newly acquired Bambi information. 
The lookon her face when Mulder asked if he could confess something 
to her was that of someone afraid of what she might hear. Of course 
she does get in the parting shot "Are you sure it wasn't a girlie 
scream?" before Mulder leaves her in a lurch again and she decides 
she'd better get up there. Mulder has quickly forgotten his need 
for Scully to join him in his now bambinated state and answers 
simply "whatever" upon finding out about her impending arrival 
after assuring her she isn't needed after all. 

How about the great Scully/Bambi face off. Where we find that 
EVEN Bambi gets to call him Fox causing Scully to start showing 
off and serving attitude. Yeah, I'm sure she needed to check that 
gun clip right then. "This is no place for an entomologist". ROFL! 

Of course if this episode has a weakness it is that we reach the 
end with no clue as to what was really going on. Where did these 
roaches come from? If they were robots how could Dr. Bugger die 
of anaphylactic shock? Maybe some were "robots" and some weren't? 
What was it that Mulder and the Dr. saw that made them need to 
share a drink after looking at it? Was it just a new species from 
another country or another planet? Or was it simply mass hysteria 
perpetrated by an "alternative fuels" researcher who sniffed a bit 
too much "Die Bug Die" before proving that his early statement 
"Bugs, they drive me crazy" was indeed correct?

Random Musings
--------------

-You've got to love the "bug cam" shots (especially the roach 
down the drain bit) - way cool.

-I know they probably thought it was clever, but the roach crawling 
across the screen was a bit much.

-The Mulder watchers ought to be happy with this one - we got 
shirtless beefcake scenes, the return of the boxers, partially 
fastened pants, and that black turtleneck that seems to be so 
popular.

-There's been a lot of rumblings about the whole Mulder/Scully 
schism thing this season with folks on the net even begging for 
Mulder and Scully to even be in the same room - but I've got to 
say if this is the sort of phone conversations we are going to 
get "ya gotta keep 'em separated". At least some of the time. 
Way too funny.

-I know TV Guide gave it away, but the "Scully what are you 
wearing?" line was great - ever notice how she smiles at his 
jokes when he can't see her?

-Miller's Grove was a joke on the place from the famous "War of 
the Worlds" broadcast.

-Lots of retreads. Stoner was the cop's kid from "Red Museum". 
The toilet death victim the visual expert from "Calusari", and 
I'm still racking my brain about a few others.

-"Just because i work for the Federal government doesn't mean I'm 
an expert in cockroaches."

-Wussy flashlights just don't get it - having it conk out will 
teach Mulder to carry his real flashlight.

-Just how "hung" is a club-tailed dragon fly?

Autumn
Smart is sexy