"Bad boys, bad boys, what 'cha gonna do? What 'cha gonna do 
when they come for you?"

"Mulder have you noticed that we're on television?"
"I don't think it's live television, she just said *&%#."
"But it's a camera, and it's recording. It's recording 
everything that you are saying. Do you understand that? I 
just want to make sure that you're clear on that."

Well, as a bizarre mating between FOX's low-rent chronicles 
of the men and women in blue and their flashy tale of the 
Fibbies in black, "X-Cops" certainly succeeded. I found this 
Vince Gilligan script to be entertaining from the perspective 
of getting to see Mulder and Scully react to an unusual 
situation. I spent much of the episode chuckling at their 
behavior and reactions as they adapted to their odd 
circumstances in typical fashion. I just wish the reason for 
this crossover was more compelling, because frankly the whole 
"fear monster" brouhaha was the least interesting thing about 
the hour. It's too bad they couldn't have had all the fun with 
the COPS genre but still given the X-Files audience more to 
chew on in the story.

I was delighted to see the way they captured the COPS look and 
feel complete with the "Bad Boys" theme, blurred out faces, 
bleeped out profanities, and, best of all, the requisite crack 
house filled with belligerent idiots and a topless woman. 
Director Michael Watkins fully captured the style of the COPS 
huffing and hoofing camera crew and creatively used flashlights 
of all sizes, streetlights, and the strobe of police cars to 
light his scenes. While an hour of racking in and out of focus 
with a jostling camera can be tiring to watch, it certainly was 
true to form. I think my favorite camera moment was the inside 
of the car shot as the squad car was flipped and everything 
inside flew around to end the teaser.

Watkins also managed to bring the right mood out of the actors 
with the COPS camera around. Officers like Wetzel, trying to 
sound good and profound, wax poetic about their jobs and cast 
nervous glances towards the lens when they are afraid they 
might not come off well. Mulder starts playing directly into 
the camera himself, filling the audience in during the evening 
with his own special brand of narration. However, I thought the 
smirking he was doing, most notably in the Steve and Edy scenes 
was a little too much for my taste. I had a hard time telling 
if it was Mulder or Duchovny that found the goings on so amusing, 
especially since they were doing so many long and complex takes. 
And Scully, well, Scully true to form hates the camera and spends 
as much time as possible ducking out of its way, turning her head, 
covering it with her hand, and avoiding it. I really enjoyed the 
looks and frustration Gillian Anderson brought to this throughout 
the episode from that initial puzzling when she first sees the 
camera to the phony sweet smile at "the FBI has nothing to hide" 
to her final exasperated door slam complete with "I hate you guys."

Most may have missed it, but Scully was actually attacked by 
the fear monster in this episode as well. Her intense mortal 
fear of being caught on television cameras with Mulder spouting 
off theories about werewolves and the like came to fruition. 
Only the fear monster chose not to kill her, because when Mulder 
talks the paranormal talk for the cameras Scully probably actually 
wants to die so letting her live is much more painful. So while 
Mulder happily chronicles for the camera the nature of paranormal 
crimes she's reduced to croaking out the occasional "oh yeah" 
in response. It's when Scully gets in her element, the autopsy 
bay, that she also begins to show off for the camera. She smugly 
informs the nurse that she's about to put the ghost murderer story 
to rest and goes about oh-so-professionally snapping photos to 
punctuate her statements. It makes it all the more funny when 
a casual reference to the hanta virus strikes the nurse down at 
the mere mention and leaves Scully flustered and frustrated.

"X-Cops", as fun as it was for a change of pace episode experiment, 
was just at the edge of how much of this style one could actually 
take before the gimmick got old. Actually, having to watch the 
herd of cops run up the dark street one more time made me wish 
for more meat and less chaos. As an experiment I'd rate it as a 
success, but one with a story stretched too thin for its own good. 
In the end I wondered how many of Mulder and Scully's cases are 
just like this: a lot of scrambling around and running in the dark 
with empty hands come daylight.

Random Musings
------------------------

-Looks like FOX was a little bit paranoid that their viewers 
would not know what the hell they were watching, so in addition 
to slapping the name in an unnecessary viewer discretion statement 
they insisted on making that little floating logo in the corner 
even more obtrusive and bright. Though I did really like that 
red and blue strobe logo fadeout they did between acts.

-Kudos to the set decorating team for capturing the truly trashy 
so wonderfully. From bathroom fixtures in the yard to the magic-
motion Jesus photo to the plastic bead door, everywhere the camera 
lingered tackiness abounded. They even managed to have cats eating 
at the table. You can't ask for much more than that.

-I enjoyed the way Doctor's curiosity got the better of Scully 
and she was forced to pop out from behind her hiding place at 
the ambulance door to examine Wetzel's "bite" before quickly 
retreating again.

-Speaking of Dr. Scully, why in the world does one shout out 
"call 911" in a hospital? Is it so paramedics can arrive and 
take the person next door?

-Our Little Sailor: Scully expresses her dissatisfaction with 
the camera crew "Mulder, what the hell is going on here?" and 
her frustration with the hanta virus incident "the hell I wasn't 
afraid, Mulder."

-I'm a little disappointed in Vince Gilligan going for the 
obvious joke as Wetzel tries to relate to Mulder how horrible 
it is if other cops think you're crazy. Oh, we get it.

-Fun moment: Scully suddenly realizing Mulder looks pretty 
bad since his werewolf bite turned out to be bug stings and 
trying to protect him by acknowledging the camera for the 
first time to explain that it was a completely valid conclusion 
that "anybody would have made."

-I must admit, I never thought I'd actually hear the words 
"skanky ass" on the X-Files, let alone Mulder and Scully 
refereeing a fight between two old drama queens. So, at least 
we know that after seven seasons the show can still surprise 
us. Then again, the biggest surprise to me was why Scully 
didn't smack Mulder for that "bubble gum pink" crack.

-Frank's Fashion Spot: Tonight's fashion victim award (and 
in this case it always was a victim) was a tough show down. 
In one corner we have Ricky the "crazy haired" sketch artist 
working in a "support artistic capacity." However, narrowly 
edging out Ricky is Chantara as she not only had the bubble 
gum pink hair, but the complete crack whore outfit ensemble 
going for her. Plus she got to run in it. Surrounded by this 
cast of characters nothing Mulder and Scully could have worn 
would have looked bad. Though I am a little confused as to 
why Mulder had on jeans and running shoes for a case.

-I did find part of this episode of "X-Cops" scary as Mulder 
and Scully ventured back to the crack house a second time and 
it seemed darker and more menacing with odd noises, blood, and 
"wind". Like "Blair Witch" I always wanted to see more than 
the camera chose to show. 

Autumn
"Look Mulder, if you want to talk about werewolves to me you 
can knock yourself out."